There comes a point when my eyes burn with all the crying. I feel a strong urge to sleep but I can’t, my eyes hurt when I shut them. I want to bang my head to a wall so that I get rid of my headache, but it is such a good guy, it does not want to leave me alone when I am sad. So.. In order to escape this planet for a while, I listen to music. And it is incredibly unbelievable how those tracks change the tracks of my mood. I noticed this whole experience actually happening today, and I (sorta) want to tell my story.
My phone contains 110 songs at the moment. 3% of various singers, and the rest 97% sung by Taylor Swift. I was all sad about being a grown up now and having to pretend being mature. When I was little I considered growing up as freedom. I have always loved the idea of escape, and maybe this is why I love to travel. (The only thing is, I haven’t traveled much in my entire life.) But this is not what I expected. The grown-up-self I always imagined for myself, is nowhere near my being. The moment I was going through all those happy but painful thoughts about my childhood, a song which sounds to me like a lullaby started playing. We call it “Never Grow Up”.
Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you, won’t let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up.
Three minutes and nine seconds passed by in the wink of an eye. The track that followed was suggested by a friend of mine. She is the one who lifts my spirits up, most of the time. But at the same time, she is the reason why my life has become a bit complicated. But that is okay, its part of growing up. “Its life, Mahaah.”, she often says that to me. So that song started playing and the chorus made my spirits go a bit up. Like 0.000342 millimeter up. Its “No Surprise.”
It’s no surprise. I won’t be here tomorrow
I can’t believe that I stayed ’til today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we’ll find this was no surprise.
The upcoming song is what Taylor Swift named “Our Song”. Its one of those songs which are all fun and melodious and full of sparks and glitters and starlight. I love this song for being a happy song. I felt a bit better for four minutes. And I realised I was on my lovin’ bed, what else does one need in order to be happy?
I was walking up
The front porch steps
After everything that day
Had gone all wrong
And been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway,
Well on my way
To my lovin’ bed
I almost didn’t notice
All the roses
And the note that said…
Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin’ out late, tapping on your window
When we’re on the phone and you talk real slow
’cause it’s late and your mama don’t know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date: “Man, I didn’t kiss her, when I should have”
And when I got home … ‘fore I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again.
By the time Our Song ended, I remembered the sequence of my playlist. I knew Our Song and “Ours” come side by side, so I was pretty conscious to feel the next song. “Ours” is the “Our Song” of me and my best buddy. Except one lyric, it seems like it has been written specially and specifically for us. Since she is not here, for she lives in KSA during her vacations, I am badly missing her because we are far apart at the moment. It goes like..
Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers’ silence makes me wanna take the stairs
If you were here we’d laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs
Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves
They’ll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury’s out, but my choice is you
So don’t you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water’s rough
But this love is ours.
“Out of The Woods” followed the previous one. I have bad memories attached with is so I just tried to endure the pain. Didn’t bother to skip it. There is a whole sum of three hours attached with its beats. That real-life-film of painful memories played along. I started missing Moe, a friend. It’s been a long time since I last talked to her. (Stress on “talked”). The next song, “Yours Truly” was suggested by her. As it started playing, I burst into tears. I kept crying for almost half the song, and then some inner voice asked me to shut up and listen to the song I was not really caring about.
Dear My Never,
This is my half-hearted goodbye
The other half wants to still try
Remembering words that you said
But I guess we let go now
We’ll be out on our own
How you always wanted this all out
But now I guess it’s too late
But my one wish for you is that you find yourself
Don’t settle for less or for anyone else
I pray that you dream like the dreamer I know you can be
Signed, Yours Truly.
I know I was hurting myself by listening to the songs that make me cry. But I just sometimes love to torture myself. (Hence, I’m bloody evil.) So “Perfectly Good Heart” started playing and Twizzle Swizzle went like..
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart,now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
I was all dull and down again when some very familiar beats were heard. “Picture to Burn”!. My heart exclaimed. I felt like cursing all the people I disliked at that moment.
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You’re a redneck heartbreak
Who’s really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I’m concerned you’re
Just another picture to burn!
Just after that, “Red” came along. I love this song for its imagery. And because I love the album Red. But it too has a memory embedded. So I tried to focus more on the lyrics and less on the reminiscence.
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all
Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red.
Red ended, and I felt like something was being hammered, but musically. I remembered that those beats belong to “Sad Beautiful Tragic”. I knew it will make some more tears fall, tears which might help settling the dust storm whirling in my head. So I let it play.
Long handwritten note deep in your pocket
Words, how little they mean when you’re a little too late
I stood right by the tracks, your face in a locket
Good girls, hopeful they’ll be and long they will wait
We had a beautiful magic love there
What a sad beautiful tragic love affair.
The awesome thing that happened was, I was crying, pillow all wet and no more courage to go on, when a song that is world famous at the time, started playing. The way it came at the end and miraculously changed my mood is.. Woah. I knew what I had to do : get up, wash my face, and let go.. of stuff disturbing me. I haven’t done the last thing though, but I know I’ll be okay, soon enough. So.. its called, “Shake It Off”.
But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind
Saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”
‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off.
That’s how it goes. Life must go on, so I shook it off and got going. Since, “All we are is skin and bones, trained to get along.”. C’est La Vie.white horse