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Flickering Lanterns

Let's 'live' and not 'survive'.

Category

Poetry

Numbness Barges In.

person-sitting-on-park-bench-at-sunset.jpg

She doesn’t know what she’s done to get through the shit she’s going through.
She doesn’t know what the heck is wrong with the world around her.

She just wants it to end.
Right now.

She’s had enough.
She can’t take it anymore. Not any longer.

There’s two ways to end it.
A thousand to not to. But she wants it ended.

Either she could end her life.
Or she could run away.

But where would she go?

Ending her life would be a direct ticket to hell.
Running away.. to whom? She doesn’t have a place to run off to.

And there, settles the frothing foam.
There, the lava goes back in to erupt later.
There, deflates the rage.
There, numbness barges in.

Is she dead?
No.

Is she alive?
No.

Is she a living dead?
Yes.

– Mahaah.

 

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Ungrateful.

Loneliness_blog_photo_3-13.jpg

A two years old photo of the five year old you popped up
And you have no idea how cute you looked in there.
You might not believe it, but believe me
I had forgotten how you look like when you smile
Or what you look like at all
Despite the fact that we met seven months ago
In this same year.
Times change and so did we,
My memory weakened,
But I’ll never forget the day when
You asked me to stay away from you.
You didn’t care and I-
I pretended that I didn’t care either.
To be honest, I don’t care
But you should have tried 
Tried to be careful with your words,
Tried to at least try.
But you didn’t.
It’s alright.
I don’t mind.
You inspired me to write, 
And I’m grateful to you for that. 
I’m grateful to you for being ungrateful. 

– Mahaah.

laptop te.jpg

For Someone who is a No-one.

fog fade
You know what,
I actually felt something go off,
Whenever I read that name.
Something beeped,
Something exploded,
Like confetti or a bomb I don’t know.
It just did.
There was something.
But.
They said,
Don’t go there.
It’s trouble.
You’ll regret it.
“Wait till it fades,
And then you’ll be okay.”
I am okay,
But not fine at all.
It passed,
I’m here,
Content, carefree,
In a duh-who-cares mood,
With a nothing-matters-to-me-anymore attitude.
But.
You know what?
It hurts,
It matters,
I care,
Even if I am over it.
Because it happened.
You won’t get it.
I don’t get it either.
‘Cause I have no idea,
What “it” was, or
What “it” feels like.

– Mahaah.

To the far-away Her.

texting
I’m sorry. I can’t.
Even if  I try, I can’t.
I see your name and then I just can’t.
All those memories and flashbacks,
They hit me like a train,
And squeeze me between the tracks.
Why did it happen?
Did it have to?
Or did I deserve it?
You ask me how have I been.
And then there’s silence.
One word replies,
Aren’t any good,
I get it.
You ask me how I am now.
Babe I don’t even know it myself.
Try to understand,
Like I never tried to.
I want to talk, I want to, really.
But.
I can’t.
I just can’t.
I’m sorry.

– Mahaah.

A World Without Me.

random2

The sun will rise in the East, it will set in the West.
The birds will sing the dawn chorus from their nests.
The same cheery colors will paint the morning sky.
The flowers upon the kiss of morning-ray will shy.

My sister will get ready for school and leave on time.
And my mother will sit and recite Quran meantime.
My brother and his wife will go to work together.
My father will have some tea and look out for the weather.

Traffic on the roads will be buzzing like it does.
People will be busy in their chores creating fuzz.
Everything will be normal like on any ordinary day.
Nothing will be an obstacle in anybody’s way.

Parks will still be full of happy people.
Kids will be chasing and popping soap bubbles.
There will not be a single sign of gloom.
For no one will notice if there’s a person’s room.

Life will be usual, like it is commonly.
Days and nights will be same, habitually.
Unnoticed in my grave I’ll be,
Since this would be a world without me.

– Mahaah.

Virtual Beings.

virtual beings
I’ve lost faith in people,
Normal ordinary humans,
The ones we meet on a daily basis,
Or people altogether.
Harsh, rude, vulturous,
And what not?
They are pathetic,
Really.

Surprisingly,
Quite unnaturally,
To my astonishment,
Undoubtedly.

I’ve fallen in love with virtual beings,
Weird internet humans,
The ones we converse on a daily basis,
Or usernames altogether.
Humble, nice, down to earth,
And what not?
They are amazing,
Really.

– Mahaah.

Shush.

shut up
“I was saying..”
Shut up.
“But listen to me..”
Shut up.
“Okay so there’s this thing..”
Shut up.
“I’m really excited about..”
Shut up.
“I wanted to share..”
Shut up.”
“I mean..”
Shut up.

Why have you stopped speaking?
“… ..”

“It doesn’t hurt, not anymore.”

handblood

Looking at the shattered glass,
She felt magnetically attracted towards it,
Touched it as a fluffy cat,
Tried to pet it like a dog,
Picked up some of the pieces,
Refractions enchanted her while
One of the shards injured her palm,
A fine line, a bloody deep cut,
It formed on the page of skin
Where her fate was written,
Gore streamed from the wound
And she watched her own blood
Flow like a river,
As if it had charmed her,
The red shade of that vital fluid
Smelt like red wine,
Captivated her mind and
Dazzled her eyes,
Tears poured out of
Her windows to the soul,
Just as her blood
Ran out of her hand,
She saw her sister,
Yelling,
Crying,
Freaking out and
Asking,
“What are you doing?,
It must be hurting,
Let me put a bandage
On the wound that is
Bleeding like a fountain.”
Wiping away her tears,
Said she
In the voice of a werewolf,
“I’ve bigger wounds
On the source of this blood,
It doesn’t hurt,
Not anymore.”

Not Anymore.

gone

You were water to my unquenched thirst,
Euphoric fire to my dark soul,
Air to my dead breaths,
Earth to my feelings yet to be grown.

You were food to my hungry stomach,
Running blood to my beating heart,
Unpolluted oxygen to my breathing lungs,
Relishing thoughts to my processing brain.

But look at you now,
You ‘were’ all those life giving things,
And,
You are not anymore.

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